Taking A Guess At The Mystery Guests

Tis’ the season for mystery headliners.  At least it seems that way with secret guests taking part in the upcoming Current’s 6th Birthday party show, First Avenue’s 40th Anniversary show, as well as the Onion’s 1,143rd Twin Cities’ Issue Celebration.  Just who will these mystery guests be? We don’t know. But we do have some guesses.

Josh

The Current’s 6th Birthday Party

Best Guess:

I would imagine the Current, celebrating their slow crawl towards being the boring station your parents love, will go with one of the heavyweights from the Rhymesayers crew (Atmosphere or Brother Ali) to increase their indie cred.  If this is the case, people should be happy, as they would be one of the best artists on this underwhelming bill.

Awesome Long Shot:

Skoal Kodiak, Velvet Davenport, Food Pyramid, Tender Meat, Whitesand/Badlands, Mother of Fire, Gay Beast, Buffalo Moon, Dada Trash Collage, etc etc.  Oh, who am I kidding, the Current barely acknowledges our amazing local scene that is growing leaps and bounds without their attention.

Most Terrifying Prospect:

Kings of Leon.  I stopped listening to the station when they started playing these clowns ad nasum.  I know they would never get them, but it still is horrifying to think of the school girl shrieks and the bros rocking out to the generic rock and roll of KoL.

First Avenue’s 40th Anniversary:

Best Guess:

The Hold Steady.  Even though they have a show at the end of the month at the same venue, I could see them showing up unannounced to celebrate their mecca.  I’m not sure any other band has worked as hard as these guys to celebrate this club as much as The Hold Steady.

Awesome Long Shot:

The Replacements.  The whole lineup of the later day Replacements are around, so why not?  I know it is a cop-out choice, but I think it would be cool.

Most Terrifying Prospect:

Edward Sharpe or Local Natives.  Two of my votes for most overrated artists of 2010 and two bands that bore me to tears and illicit frustration that even thought there are countless bands doing things significantly more interesting than these groups, they would be an “exciting” surprise.

The Onion’s 1,143rd Issue Show:

Best Guess:

Tapes N Tapes.  I don’t read the AV Club that much, but they seem kind of like a group who would dig the band.

Awesome Long Shot:

Tame Impala.  I loved their debut album and missed their show at the Entry over Thanksgiving, so this is just simply a simply selfish guess.

Most Terrifying Prospect:

The Twilight Hours.  I love the Onion and would hate such a great organization being represented by these old snooze-bags.

Adam

The Current’s 6th Birthday Party

Best Guess:

Probably one of those bands I don’t know about because I don’t really follow the Current’s playlist.

Awesome Long Shot:

Lifter Puller reunion.

Most Terrifying Prospect:

Probably one of those bands I don’t know about because I don’t really follow the Current’s playlist.

First Avenue’s 40th Anniversary:

Best Guess:

The Hold Steady seems to be an obvious choice here, even if they are playing here in a few weeks.

Awesome Long Shot:

Lifter Puller reunion.

Most Terrifying Prospect:

Prince, playing whatever it is he plays these days.

The Onion’s 1,143rd Issue Show:

Best Guess:

P.O.S. seems to be the right caliber to headline a local lineup and be secret this close to the recent Doomtree blowout.

Awesome Long Shot:

Lifter Puller reunion.

Most Terrifying Prospect:

Since it’s the Onion, they could pull a pretty good prank. Staind maybe?

Jon

The Current’s 6th Birthday Party

Best Guess:

Since I am guessing the Hold Steady will play First Avenue’s Anniversary show, that means the Current probably had to find someone else. How about Bon Iver? Or more likely: Gayngs.

Awesome Long Shot:

I am thinking that Gwar could shake things up a little

Most Terrifying Prospect:

I would say Mumford and Sons but I am pretty sure they wouldn’t be keeping that one secret in favor of selling a bajillion tickets. Ditto Kings of Leon. So I guess I don’t know. How about a Soul Asylum reunion?

First Avenue’s 40th Anniversary:

Best Guess:

They LOVE the Hold Steady at First Ave. The band is likely in town for the holidays. It seems like a given.

Awesome Long Shot:

Prince! Maybe they have a wad of money to blow on the Purple One (unlikely).

Most Terrifying Prospect:

Crowd singalong christmas songs led by Bob Mould dressed as Santa Claus?

The Onion’s 1,143rd Issue Show:

Best Guess:

It seems to be pretty much a local lineup so….Atmosphere?

Awesome Long Shot:

OK – the Wu Tang Clan play like two days after this – how hard would it be to get them to come a couple days early? Wait, is the Wu Tang’s beef with Pink Mink over or is that still going strong?

Most Terrifying Prospect:

The New Standards’ Christmas Show Redux! Just when you thought you were safe until next year (you weren’t).

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12 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    First of all Josh’s picks are hilarious – kol would be devastating. Jon, Soul Asylum is active and they are playing First Ave on Friday for their annual holiday show. My dream pick for either show would also be The Replacements, but I would gladly take a Westerberg solo set. I could see The Current taking a chance on Roma Di Luna which they heavily rotate. If they go with a Rhymesayers favorite the best headliner performimg today is P.O.S. – and that’s no contest. But let’s be honest, if they could have their way they would probably go with Mumford or The Morning Benders. And if Loobook was still around they would be an easy choice.

  2. Adam Bubolz says:

    I think you got it backwards Jon, I like Bob Mould dressed as Santa as the best long shot

  3. zoe says:

    haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahah gwar. yes please.

  4. solace says:

    before Dessa was added to the First Ave 40th B-day i figured she was a sure shot for the Current party, but now i’m not so sure… although i wouldn’t be surprised if she was still on it.

    as for the Current party, i’m guessing Atmosphere or Brother Ali as well, but they mentioned that one of the potential acts might be in jeopardy due to “sickness” and apparently Slug just had to undergo surgery (knee? i forget) apparently…

  5. solace says:

    but yeah, a short Lifter Puller reunion set tomorrow night would be pretty ace.

  6. Adam Bubolz says:

    So who was the surprise guest last night?

  7. jonbehm says:

    I guess it was Mark Mallman?

  8. Adam Bubolz says:

    I would have preferred Bob Mould dressed as Santa Claus

  9. jonbehm says:

    Apparently Grant Hart told the crowd that they were “a bunch of lame ass motherfuckers,” so that about as close as it got

  10. solace says:

    that he did. it was after they didn’t whistle along with his first song, pretty amusing.

    and yes, Mallman was the only unannounced performer, likely due to his NYE gig at the Varsity

    fun night though

  11. appauled person says:

    these are all horrible guesses, and none of you are worthy to guess in the first place… just based on what you have here… go do something else with your time.

  12. Jeff says:

    GO SUCK A DICK APPAULED PERSON

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