What if these Minnesota Musicians were Hogwarts Wizards and also Golden Age Silent Film Stars?

by Jon Behm · Published January 30, 2016 · Updated January 30, 2016

Prince = Harry “Langdon” Potter

Price is the numero uno, so it just makes sense that he is JK Rowling’s most heroic wizard. Not only that, he’s naturally a shoo-in for the man who played Snapper McGillicuddy in the 1935 classic Atlantic Adventure, Harry Langdon. Secondly, there’s an old Hollywood legend that Colman’s patronus was a purple winged guitar(!). And if that doesn’t convince you, this magic purple bus should do the trick. Expelliarmus naysayers!

Jeremy Messersmith = Ron “Colman” Weasley

He may not be the number one man at Hogwarts but in the end he gets the girl, right? Also, Messersmith is known to craft lyrics in English. Ron Weasely IS English. So is actor Ronald Charles Colman! Weasley was in The Prisoner of Azkaban. Colman was in The Prisoner of Zenda. Messersmith once repped the Pirate Bay, the founder of which is in Prison! Time is a flat circle.

Dessa = Queen Hermione Granger

Hermione is the brainy one of the bunch over in the Hogwarts crew. The same could be said for Dessa’s role in the local rap crew Doomtree. The 1910 film Winter’s Tale stars a character called “Queen Hermione,” but get this, that’s not her original name. She’s played by an actor whose real name is Anna Rosemond. Now get ready for your mind to be blown: Dessa wasn’t born Dessa either! Before she became the Hermione of Doomtree she was known as Maggie Wander. It just adds up.

Soul Asylum = Neville Longbottom/Douglas Fairbanks

If you have ever heard the B side of 1990’s And the Horse They Rode in On this one will TOTALLY make sense to you. Let us know just how right we were in the comments.

Lizzo = Luna Lovegood/Lillian Gish

Note that their names all start with the letter ‘L’! Also, Lizzo was born on the 27^th of April. Her birthday falls exactly 2 months (and four years) prior to the death of Lillian Gish. Not only that, guess who else was born in April? Hogwarts wizard Luna Lovegood! Do you sense something cosmic at work here? Its probably worth going back to check out Lizzobangers for the spells that are undoubtedly hidden in the lyrics.

The Replacements = House Slytherin/Robert Harron

The Replacements were absolutely the “bad boys” of Minnesota Music. They share something in common with Robert Harron, who starred in the 1917 classic The Bad Boy. And who else but Slytherin were the “bad boys” of Hogwarts? I am not saying that Paul Westerberg is Draco Malfoy, but if you start Hey Ma at the same time as the Chamber of Secrets, you might see some VERY interesting correlations. Also, known fact: Westerberg hates muggles.

The Hold Steady = The Weasely Twins/Lowell Sherman

Fred and George Weasley famously left Hogwarts to find success on their own opening up a joke shop in Diagon Alley. On pretty much the exact same tack, Craig Finn and company left town to pursue success in New York. Oh yeah, where did they leave from again? That’s right, the TWIN Cities. You might say that the Hold Steady had a “New York Idea,” which was also the name of Lowell Sherman’s silent film opus from 1920. Did the Hold Steady move to New York to fight Voldemort? I think we can safely assume so.